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Things people say in porn that take you right out of the moment

"Yeah, you wanna taste my discharge?"

Not if you're calling it discharge, no.

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I love this place for the fact that this entry can come right after one about Doctor Who. God bless NTS.

By Jonathan Capps
February 27, 2007 @ 5:29 pm

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I think John should write scripts for porn films. Unfortunately, they would probably center around a BBFC sexual fetish...

By Austin Ross
February 27, 2007 @ 5:32 pm

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I think the thing that annoys me the most about porn (apart from the fact that if my ladyfriend caught me watching any she would cut it off - the phone line I mean, she needs the other thing) is when it becomes a total ego trip for the male 'actor' and he's constantly coming out with stuff like the above, and even the director seems to just focus on the guy (the most hilarious but also annoying thing is when they cut to the guy's face when he's coming, I mean you just don't want to see it). I'd actually love to direct a porn film, not for the obvious reasons...as an exercise in filmmaking.

Annnnnnyway.

By performingmonkey
February 27, 2007 @ 10:20 pm

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I don't watch porn proper at all. It's a waste of time...

THAT said, what I have seen, both pro and amateur, ANY time they start talking is usually bad news. I don't like hearing "Do you like my big cock?" any more than I like hearing, "I sure do like your big cock." There is nothing that needs to be said. Just do it and pretend to like it so she'll leave you alone for another week.

...

By Philip J Reed, VSc
February 27, 2007 @ 10:56 pm

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> porn proper

So you watch porn improper? Also, could you send me some?

By Austin Ross
February 27, 2007 @ 11:58 pm

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>Just do it and pretend to like it so she'll leave you alone for another week.

Dr. Phil, there.

By Tanya Jones
February 28, 2007 @ 12:01 am

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I don't think I'd have dared click on this anyplace else on the intarwebs.

"Discharge", eh? Classy, this one. Why, that slick poetry doesn't impress me one bit.

By Arlene Rimmer BSc, SSc
February 28, 2007 @ 8:36 am

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By Zagrebo
February 28, 2007 @ 4:25 pm

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Mmmmmm, discharge. Can you possibly direct us to the clip, John? For academic review purposes, obviously. I must say that even deeply unerotic words like 'discharge' are preferable to the horrible sub-Clannad music that you get on Fiona Cooper videos.

By Louis Barfe
February 28, 2007 @ 6:15 pm

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Annoyingly, I've fucking deleted it - and when I went to download it again, it'd been removed.

You're not missing much. The way she kept mumbling "discharge" as she approached climax was most disconcerting.

By John Hoare
February 28, 2007 @ 7:33 pm

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So does anyone think porn really is demeaning to women?

By performingmonkey
February 28, 2007 @ 8:46 pm

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Depends on the porn. There's some really horrible stuff out there, which I don't choose to watch. Then, there's some great stuff that I don't think is demeaning at all.

I personally like the women to at least look like they're vaguely enjoying themselves. People who feel otherwise worry me slightly.

By John Hoare
February 28, 2007 @ 8:55 pm

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On the subject of demeaning, I think it can be for both sexes. For men, it prevails the stereotype that you're only good for one thing, and to do said one thing well you have to have a knob the size and girth of a banana boat off Majorca from my childhood.* Which is rather rude to you lot, really, but is continuously perpetuated in hideous monstrosities (mostly) of advertising like the Diet Coke break.

The thing that freaks me out regarding women is that a huge percentage of women involved with porn (roughly 60% I think) have been sexually abused as kids, or young adults. So they're there, doing this stuff that is supposed to be the shagging of fantasy, and you wonder why, if it's so good, we're not all doing it. Then you start thinking 'maybe they're only doing it because all sense of normality was arse-raped out of them aged 11 by an enthusiastic uncle' and the whole thing becomes a bit disgusting.

What you end up with, is a society in which the sex we idolise as perfect can only be performed by people so damaged they'll do anything... Why is this? I blame Christian repression.

*god only knows why I decided to use that analogy.

By Rachel George
February 28, 2007 @ 9:54 pm

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I want the first Zagrebo pic on a T-shirt and erm yeah...what Rachel said. I've never quite grasped porn (perhaps the wrong word choice). I mean the american stuff where it's all a bit more fantasy and detached is one thing but in comparism the low-grade british stuff all 'Horny Housewives' and guff, it's all one step away from your parents having it off.

Don't get me wrong it's delightful seeing a lady erm...pleasured... but then any passion or stirring is then instantly killed by having the male participants elongated banana brought sharply into focus.

Or am I just repressed?

By Karl
February 28, 2007 @ 10:09 pm

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On the subject of porn, I recommend XXX: A Woman's Right to Pornography - probably the best non-fiction I've ever read. Sadly, the online version is slightly hard to read with the way it's laid out (fnar) - but it's well worth persevering with.

By John Hoare
February 28, 2007 @ 10:33 pm

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"I want the first Zagrebo pic on a T-shirt "

I'm tempted to put that picture, without comment or context, on my blog.

In fact, I think I will.

By Zagrebo
February 28, 2007 @ 10:40 pm

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Would it be out of line to ask for a porn category? If only because I'm sure the category link would make some fantastic Sunday afternoon reading down the line...

By Philip J Reed, VSc
February 28, 2007 @ 11:39 pm

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We could just import a feed from totallynsfw.com...

By Seb
March 01, 2007 @ 12:08 am

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>Would it be out of line to ask for a porn category? If only because I'm sure the category link would make some fantastic Sunday afternoon reading down the line...

Well, John is still intending to do a porn channel review at some point...

By Tanya Jones
March 01, 2007 @ 12:18 am

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