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Torchwood - Cyberwoman

Three episodes into series two of Doctor Who, and we were getting worried. It had been good, sure, but it certainly hadn't been great - and it certainly hadn't been anything like what we'd been expecting of it. Then the fourth episode - Stephen Moffat's magnificent The Girl In The Fireplace - came along, and did much to allay those nagging doubts. We were reminded how it was worth sticking with the show, because even through the slightly-off patches, it was still capable of being little short of genius.

There's a clear parallel to be drawn, then, between that second series and the first series of Torchwood, as once again RTD's creation is already running a gauntlet of "Well, it's alright, but it's not really that great, is it?" criticism. Step up the all-important episode four - and a very familiar-looking enemy...

Arguably the biggest problem that Torchwood has faced so far has been with the characterisation. Simply put, the show just doesn't engage and grip the viewer the way it should - and, four episodes in, when your characters don't do that, you've got some serious work to do. Gwen proved likeable enough in the first two episodes, but despite being ostensibly the "lead" (alongside Jack, of whom more in a bit), she's been shunted into a "just one of the team" role with surprising (and disconcerting) haste. Owen remains difficult to get a handle on, but that seems less like subtle characterisation and more like glaring inconsistency from episode to episode. And so to Ianto, who was promised his "big day" here after making even less impression than Toshiko (herself currently having about as much impact as air-flavoured water), but a combination of scripting and performance meant that he came across as little more than an annoyingly whining git.

A woman. A CYBERwoman, no less.

Meanwhile, it almost seemed like desperation to have, as early as four episodes in, already relied on a direct tie-in to Who in order to generate a plot. There's no denying that the flashback was nice, but it seemed to create more problems than it solved when you consider how to reconcile the entire idea of the episode with the timeframe of Doomsday/Army of Ghosts - not least because such a short amount of time passed in those episodes between the beginning of the battle (at which point regular transformations were going on, as evidenced by Yvonne Hartman) and the entirety of both armies being sucked back into the void, leaving apparently little of a window in which the "partial" transformations may have begun.

(Incidentally, as an side, it's worth pointing out that I knew about the "Cyberwoman" idea, through work, quite some time ago, albeit with little indication as to how the "Cybergirl" - as it was then known - concept was going to be used. Personally, I thought it was actually going to be Yvonne.)

Indeed, a criticism that's been levelled at Torchwood a fair bit so far has been the apparent lack of any sane realism going on. I wouldn't say it had all been entirely fair - after all, if you can't suspend disbelief while you're watching a good old-fashioned piece of escapist drama, then when can you? - but there's an element of truth when you consider how downright ludicrous some elements of the show have been. First and foremost here was the design of the "Cyberwoman" - even if you can believe that the Cybs would have created specially-shaped cleavage plates, and even if you can believe that the part-Cyberising process creates an apparently deliberately aesthetically-pleasing arrangement around the lower torso, it's still surely just that little too much of a stretch to imagine that they would kit out their new soldiers with high heels.

Still, if there's one thing that Torchwood has in its favour it's that the events of the first episode make it rather difficult to take anything for granted - there therefore exists a welcome sense of jeopardy in, for example, scenes such as the one that found Gwen strapped to the Cyberising device. Alright, so the chances of actually killing off another main character - especially the main one - were exceedingly slim, but there remains that element of nagging doubt after the Suzie Costello bluff.

With the pacing slightly off in an episode that meandered somewhat and dwelt too long on claustrophobic scenes in the hub, it took until the last ten to fifteen minutes to really kick in - bar a few moments that, in a welcome twist, showed the more gruesome side of Cyberising that the original series never could (and that it's a shame we didn't see used on the disconcertingly-clean Lisa herself). Once it did so, however, we were - finally - treated to perhaps the most gripping segment that the series has offered so far. The Pterodactyl made for some quite marvellous (and rather surprising) CGI, but also came in the midst of a quite disturbing scene, as the Woodies (well, come on, you think of a name for them) ascended the pavement lift, Ianto screaming and wailing and getting the obligatory, it's-after-10pm-on-BBC3 F-word in there. Not that that ended up being the most unsettling moment of the programme, as things took an abrupt turn into the Downright Weird with the closing twist of the fate of the pizza delivery girl.

Still, though. Despite a strong - and somewhat morally ambiguous - ending, an episode that featured a direct tie-in to Who's marvellous season finale, and the unprecedented sight of a Pterodactyl fighting a Cyberwoman, really should have delivered in more spectacular fashion than this. I'm starting to worry about Chris Chibnall as the series' lead writer - in the four episodes so far, he's been clearly outshone by Helen Raynor, and even to some extent by RTD.

And what is going on with Jack, anyway? We wanted a spinoff series about him because he was cocky, cool and downright entertaining - Buzz Lightyear meets Ace Rimmer meets James Bond. We didn't want some grumpy immortal bastard with a chip on his shoulder - and one who hasn't even really played a focal role in any of the episodes so far, no less. Perhaps it's building to something, but at the moment it seems to even defeat the point of the show. So, come on - we've had the Gwen episode, we've had the Owen episode, we've had the Ianto episode, and we'll presumably get a Toshiko one at some point. But can we have a Jack one, now? Soon? Please?

3 Stars

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Still, if there's one thing that Torchwood has in its favour it's that the events of the first episode make it rather difficult to take anything for granted - there therefore exists a welcome sense of jeopardy in, for example, scenes such as the one that found Gwen strapped to the Cyberising device.

Oh, how I wish they'd killed her.

Sure, she was mostly kept out of the way during this episode, but I just know that in a future episode she's going to come back and annoy me more than ever.

Also, the cynical part of me believes we'll be seeing a cyberdactyl in a future episode. Sure, they might not have thought of it yet, but somewhere down the line, after the Nth 'final battle to kill every single last cyberman' they'll think back to this episode and realise they can bring in another race of cybermen via the cyberdactyl.

By Jeffrey Lee
November 10, 2006 @ 1:04 am

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What's a bit disconcerting is, thinking about the plots of the 4 eps we've had so far and it's the Torchies who are causing all the trouble. First line of defence my arse, they'll kill us all I tell ya !

By Andy M
November 10, 2006 @ 2:24 pm

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This episode was a failure on all levels.

The Cyberwoman - just ridiculous. Unbelievably bad. I must have missed that bit of the process, the fitting of the Cyber-knickers. Just horrific looking.

The big problem with the episode apart from every other big problem is that we are clearly supposed to be having a moral dilemna about poor Lisa. Though Lisa was Lisa for a three minute spell and then for the next 40 minutes shows absolutely no sign whatsoever of being anything other than a cyberwoman killing machine. 'You're a monster Jack!' No he isn't and you, Ianto, are a complete arse. 'Dalek' managed to give us a greatly moving story about a squidgy white thing in a flying dustbin. This has a 26 year old female and is meant to be an 'adult' show (don't get me started on that). There isn't anything like that going on. There is absolutely no reason to think she is not a complete Cyberwoman right up to the last five minutes when she has been supposedly being doing all this for Ianto.

And as a physical threat, the Cyberwoman is also a huge failure. 'Why don't they shoot her in the face?' was a question that came to mind. But it was much worse than that. Every time the Cyberwoman arrives on scene, no-one notices she is there until she is standing three metres away and when she does arrive, she just stands perfectly still. OH MY GOD! SHE WILL KILL US! Will she fuck! Perhaps even the Torchwood set has become a hindrance in that it is too jam-packed for any decent action sequence to take place. But anywhere here we go. 'Oh shit!' said Gwen - the Cyberwoman has just stared at me! OH NO! 'Cyberwoman - over here!' shouts Owen! 'I WILL NOW ATTACK HIM!' thinks the Cyberwoman. 'This is a fight to the death - as soon as we get the guns, we can shoot her in the face!' says Jack. And then the pathetic cliched dialogue 'Lisa, you've ate my Cheese sandwich, I didn't mind, but now you're gonna hurt my friends!' Oh my god! Jack gets electrocuted! 'How did he survive that?' 'I don't know - let's crawl inside a tiny cupboard so I can say 'I felt your stiffy' or whatever the hell she says in five minutes time. Owen then stabs her and renders her motionless for a minute with what appears to be as dangerous an object as a sharpened spatula. The entire episode called to mind the words "The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields, yet in the end he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick." But no, let's bring the stupid Pterodactyl in that looks like it was borrowed from the Walking with Dinosaurs guys. Honestly, this is just a joke. It was bad enough when the Pterodactyl was a throwaway gag - now this 'adult' show explains the practicalities of it. Jesus! And if youre gonna do something ridiculous, please at least do a better make-up job on the Cyberwoman. Please do a better make-up job than completely unharmed with tomato ketchup on her cyber-bra.

And why did Ianto order a pizza? Did he think the Japanese Doctor would be feeling a little peckish? And this Ianto bloke. 'What's gonna happen to him now?' I hope you fired the bastard Jack. He's responsible for the deaths of two innocent people, he endangered the lives of his fellow workers and in fact, his actions could, if the episode was trying to give us any tension at all, have led to the creation of another Cybermen army on Earth. Also, his acting was rubbish with that stupid open mouth and the stupid supposedly emotional close-to-Mr-Bean voice he puts on for most of the episode. Though I'm sure he'll return to his old self if Jack gives him another 'snog of life'.

And whats happened to Gwen and Jack? I now know more about Uncle Alfred than I do about Batman for crying out loud! They both get barely any time at all and it's not good enough. And all the while, it's hard to know what Torchwood wants to be. It certainly isn't an 'adult' show and it is sad that it has to go back to Doctor Who ideas only four episodes into the series. And then it makes those ideas more immature and less realistic and less threatening and less everything than they were in a kid's show. It ends up looking like a shit version of Doctor Who with a bit of bad language here and there. And Chris Chibnall appears to be the worst writer in the history of the world. 1/5.

By Rad
November 10, 2006 @ 2:55 pm

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Don't hold back Rad !

Though, sadly, I agree with more of that than I disagree. The way they're handling Jack seems to be particularly baffling and rubbish (even the Doctor ain't immortal ferrchrissakes).

By Andy M
November 10, 2006 @ 3:25 pm

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I think the fact that all four episodes so far have involved a Torchwood member screwing up in some major way (all of them bar Jack in the first, Gwen setting the monster free at the start of the second, Owen turning into a vigilante in the third, and now Ianto buggering everything up in the fourth) means either:

a) They're trying *way* too hard to make the team fallible in some misguided attempt to make the show seem real, or
b) They're leading up to something major for the series finale, in much the same way they did for the Doctor/Rose complacency in the last series of Who.

I really hope it's the latter one. But even then, it's a bit of a stuck record. The Dwarfers are more competent than the Torchwood crew - and that's not even an exaggeration for comic effect.

FWIW, I'm still really enjoying Torchwood a lot - it's a fun series - but it's undeniably made rather more mistakes than it should have, even for a first series. And I agree with Seb - whilst I think the changes to Jack's character are definitely leading up to something (I suspect his reappearance in Series 3 of Who will be with a bang, and somehow connected to him becoming his usual chirpy self again) - that doesn't actually matter. You can't wreck a character for an entire series just because you're leading up to something...

By John Hoare
November 11, 2006 @ 2:13 am

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Barrowman was VERY interesting on Jonathan Ross tonight - lots of hints that, yes, all these flaws and mistakes are going somewhere. Here's hoping...

By Andrew
November 11, 2006 @ 2:48 am

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[quote]b) They're leading up to something major for the series finale, in much the same way they did for the Doctor/Rose complacency in the last series of Who.[/quote]

Hopefully this is the 'everything changes' thing, otherwise I'm going to get might pissed off at Jack mentioining it at the start of each episode only for it to go absolutely nowhere.

IIRC he hasn't even explained how he knows that everything is going to change!

And of course the fact that it's still set in the Whoniversre means that the change can't be *that* significant (i.e. the death of a couple of billion followed by a long, drawn-out alien war), simply beacause there's going to be a Who episode (either planned or already released) set 20 years or so in the future in which everything is pretty much normal.

By Jeffrey Lee
November 11, 2006 @ 11:53 am

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And of course the fact that it's still set in the Whoniversre means that the change can't be *that* significant (i.e. the death of a couple of billion followed by a long, drawn-out alien war), simply beacause there's going to be a Who episode (either planned or already released) set 20 years or so in the future in which everything is pretty much normal.

21st century is when it changes... and you gotta be ready. Maybe they get ready, and live happily ever after?

By Jake Monkeyson
November 11, 2006 @ 1:16 pm

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And where's the fun in that?

By Jeffrey Lee
November 11, 2006 @ 1:50 pm

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> IIRC he hasn't even explained how he knows that everything is going to change!

Well, being something of a time traveler it's just possible he noticed everything changed one day when he jumped from the 20th century to the 22nd... :-)

By Andrew
November 11, 2006 @ 2:05 pm

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Yes - but he hasn't actually explained that to anyone he's spoken to in the series :)

By Jeffrey Lee
November 11, 2006 @ 2:45 pm

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"the changes to Jack's character are definitely leading up to something (I suspect his reappearance in Series 3 of Who will be with a bang, and somehow connected to him becoming his usual chirpy self again)"

His time with Torchwood predates his period with the Ecclestone Doctor, though. They are his missing two years.

By George
November 15, 2006 @ 5:11 pm

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> His time with Torchwood predates his period with the Ecclestone Doctor, though. They are his missing two years.

How the HELL do you figure that (even notwithstanding that there is no "Ecclestone Doctor". You refer to Christopher Eccleston.) From torchwood.org.uk (BBC tie-in site - don't use the Flash version if you value your mind), he's been at Torchwood since the 60s, he can't die because of SuperRose overdoing the "I bring life" bit after the Daleks killed him "long ago and far away", and he directly references Boom Town with his "invisible lift" explaination.

By Somebody
November 15, 2006 @ 5:23 pm

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Somebody's right (although I wouldn't have been quite so harsh in saying so!) While it was speculated that Torchwood *might* follow the missing two years, that was debunked pretty quickly, and then in its entirety by the episodes themselves.

Plus, RTD has said that if anyone's ever going to tell the story of those two years, and indeed of how Jack got back to Earth after TPOTW, then it's Moffat's to tell...

By Seb
November 15, 2006 @ 5:51 pm

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Plus, he's got Ten's hand and it means far more to him than any other wanking aids.

By Ian Symes
November 15, 2006 @ 6:07 pm

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"(even notwithstanding that there is no "Ecclestone Doctor". You refer to Christopher Eccleston.)"

Sorry.

By George
November 16, 2006 @ 5:42 pm

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